It's a Smoker's World.

L. Van Warren

I'm scared to read it, I know it will be good. It's the next message in my
As an extension of my congressional spam C-SPAM work (did i tell you?) which
simultaneously broadcasts op-ed political pieces to over 50 senators I have
built a fax
spammer which broadcasts to over 100 media centers and agencies in the
Southern California. My newsletter, entitled "Radio Free Hollywood" is a
Hot Properties ad file bringing script treatments, actors, personalities and
the like to the faxnet.

I would like to put some of the pieces we are developing here on Radio Free

It's a smoker's world:

If more people smoked it would be better for the economy because workers
would be more awake, alert and productive. Nicotine is a strong stimulant
and a faithful friend.

Smoking is good for politics because it helps get the right people elected.
Money from tobacco states can fund important political issues too. More
states should be growing tobacco instead of less profitable crops like corn,
wheat, rice and soybeans. Exports of tobacco could reduce the national debt.

If kids could learn to smoke earlier in life they would do better in school,
because the nicotine would wake them up.
If they get lung disease when they're old its more humane, because they die
quicker and don't create a burden on the health care system. Smoking
prevents overcrowding in nursing homes. We need a vibrant and youthful work

Kids should smoke and use other drugs that would help them do better in

There should be "How to Smoke" programs in the junior high schools. If those
are successful, they could be moved to the elementary school level. Since
the tobacco companies would fund this, it wouldn't create yet another tax and
spend government program. The funds from this could be used to promote
students who show excellence further; We could have "How to Use Stimulants"
and "How to Give CPR" educational programs.

Second hand smoking laws should be repealed. Its good when kids get locked
in cars with adults that are smoking. It gets them used to real life and
prepares them to take their place in a smoker's world...