The Greatest Ferret Legger Of Them All

L. Van Warren

Water steams more when the flame is turned off.
Salt, which elevates boiling point, momentarily increases boiling when introduced into bubbling water.
Le Chatelier's Principle, a precursor to Newton's First Law states that:
"Nature tends to oppose changes impressed upon it."

None of these however fully account for the rising British sport of "Ferret Legging" described fully in a detailed account by Donald Katz:

A "brief" definition does the job:

Ferret: "Piranha of Land", "Shark Teeth on Rabid Squirrel Body". "Fur-Coated Evil", with "Claws like Hypodermics", "Jaws Like Pit-Bull"

Ferret Legging: involves tying of a competitor's trousers at the ankle and the introduction of two, particularly savage and boisterous ferrets into the trousers followed by a "final" tightening of the belt. In the 1970's the world record stood at 40 seconds. This increased during the 1980's when the sport's popularity grew due to the introduction of white pants. During their desperate attempts to escape the ferrets make frequent traversals from one pant's leg to another, in a biting, chewing, clawing panic. No undergarments are allowed during the contest, and the animals are noted for their ability to navigate in, "extremely tight quarters."

The reigning world champion, a thoroughly tattooed resident of Barnsley, Yorkshire, attributed his success to the ability to endure repeated and sometimes simultaneous bites to, if you are still wondering, "his tool", which apparently is intact, though after one particularly grueling contest of "Keepin 'Em Down" Mr. Reg Mellor was reported to have, "swelled to the size of a five gallon coffee can."

Who needs fiction in a world like this?