"Hey Joe"

Van Warren



We hear the song, "Hey Joe" by Jimi Hendrix, playing on the radio of a car parked on a downtown street by a city park. The park has a flat green space at the corner of two intersecting streets, MAIN and THIRD, both two way streets.  The driver, Joe, has exited the car and is standing beside his car which is parked facing north on MAIN street. MAIN street runs north and south. Joe's white compact car is missing a hubcap and isn't in good condition. In the car, on the driver's seat, there is a brown leather sachel. Through the PARTIALLY open driver's window Joe is sorting three black guns (Glocks). He is turning the guns in a sachel, that opens from the top so that they will lie nice and flat. Two of the guns are loaded and are in leather holsters. One of the guns is empty and has no holster. Joe is muttering something to himself.


(barely audible)

shouldn't be doing this here ... 

(inaudible ramp up to audible)

... every person who says, "I can't hear your story because you're not in the guild"

Joe has run out of space in his sachel and needs to get it organized. Against his better judgement he takes the empty Glock out of the sachel and sets it on the roof of his car.

What Joe does not see at first is a young black female cop, LPNF. The cop in uniform is walking diagonally across the corner of the park towards him. We can hear squawk from a walkie talkie on her belt. Her cop car that is parked on the cross street that meets with his. (See illustration). Joe looks up from what he is doing. Because of the way it is turned the cop has not yet recognized that a gun is sitting on top of the roof of Joe's car.


(looking up and recognizing cop)

I can explain...

At this moment the cop recognizes that the object is a gun.


(in command voice) Is that weapon loaded? Place your hands behind your head and interlock your fingers, now!




I can explain ... 


You will have to come with me while I call this in.


I have a permit.

Joe reaches for his wallet and manages to get it out of his pocket. As he does



Show me your hands!

Startled Joe's wallet flips out of his hand and into the air. The cop catches his wallet and opens it. Inside the wallet is a folded permit. The cop leaves through the white and yellow copies.


(eyeing him suspiciously)

Both copies, eh?

After thumbing through the wallet the cop separates the yellow and white copy and hands the yellow copy back to Joe. She places Joe on the sidewalk in front of her unmarked white police car on the passenger side.


(command voice)

Stand there where I can see you.

She hands the yellow copy back to Joe and says


(like she has said it a thousand times)

It will be 15 to 20 minutes.

LPNF is parked facing WEST on THIRD. She gets in her unmarked white police car and makes a call. We see LPNF using a walkie talkie to conduct the call.

As LPNF makes the call Joe is startled to look back over at MAIN street where he was parked. A young slim black male, YSBM, has opened the door of a car slowly moving NORTH on main. The car is playing a low bass song, the chorus of which is the heavy metal tune, "I'm back". YSBM emerges in the door to gain a higher point of view on what is going on with Joe. As he emerges we hear the chorus line LOUDLY.  YSBM is a little past Joe's car when he emerges and does not see the gun at first. The stoplight is RED, and although there is other morning traffic, there is no one behind the YSBM car. YSBM looks at Joe and the cop, then looks back to where Joe was parked. Joe is concerned that YSBM will see the gun sitting on top of the car. The same gun that LPNF has failed to secure is still sitting on top of the car. Joe is looking very concerned that YSBM might try to steal his guy. He tries to get the attention of LPNF but she is busy making the call. To Joe's horror, YSBM seems to retrace Joe's steps with the cop with his eyes. As he looks back where Joe's car was parked he appears to see the gun. YSBM ducks his head in the car and the YSBM car with starts to slowly back up.



Hey wait!


ignoring Joe, motions the driver to keep backing up.

Joe starts after the guy, but wants to obey cop. He yells at cop, but the cop can't hear from the car because the windows are rolled up and the din from the sound system of YSBM is so loud. Just then the cop emerges from the car.



I told you to stay put. The judge has told me to let you off with a warning that next time, turn in your white copy and don't brandish an unloaded weapon in public!



But that guy stole my gun!


Which guy?

During this time the light has turned green and the car has driven out of sight. We will find out later that it has circled the block and is coming up behind Joe who will frantically run towards his car in a moment.


(waving where the guy went but nothing to point at!)

He went thataway!


(getting back in car)

Fill out a report!


What is your name?


Le Petite Noir Femme, but you can call me LPNF


How did you ...



You better be nice if you want to stay free in 2006.


But that is three years from now!


You better look at a calendar or I will throw your sassy ass in jail!


(stunned silence)

ACT ONE Summary

At this point Joe has:

a) lost his gun

b) found out it is 2006, not 2003

c) found out that the cop calls herself LPNF

The audience is wondering:

d) what was this guy on the way to do before she stopped him.

It will turn out that:

e) LPNF and YSBM are in cahoots.

f) LPNF is not a cop.

g) LPNF took has wallet and left him with a receipt that has very little information in it.


We see LPNF's cop car go NORTH on MAIN for a block, right on SECOND. YSBM jumps out of the car he was in and into the cop car. TWO BLOCKS south and around the block. The cop car sets off to circle around behind Joe's car. 


Is he the one?


It looks like it.


I don't think he knows.


We have to get him.


You have to do it this time.

Joe runs back to his car and starts to chase the car that had YSBM, not realizing it has already turned off. Little does he know that they LPNF and YSBS circled around behind him in what he thought was the cop car.

Joe pulls out with a screech to chase them down, but quickly realizes he has lost sight of them after just a couple of blocks.

Just as he gives up he is bumped from behind by the LPNF and YSBS fake cop car and YSBS is motioning for him to pull over.


(mutters to himself)

What is that guy doing in the front seat, Mildred?

Joe takes off at high speed and they chase him.


The chase scene ends in a deserted freeway underpass area.


You know its funny. Everybody in the world is passing right over the top of you.


(completing the thought)

Yeah, and not one of them will stop to help you now.


(notices a hobo up on the overpass and says)

He will!

While they are distracted Joe makes a sudden motion. Suddenly a shot rings out.

Joe sees the gun discharge and the look on the face of YSBM. He looks down at his chest and feels it rip into the flesh of his sternum - CSI style.



Suddenly he wakes as though it was only a dream.

He turns to wake up his wife, an attractive woman.

He wiggles her shoulder.

She shifts in bed.

He wiggles her shoulder again.


(in the deep throaty voice of LPNF)

What's wrong honey?


Suddenly Joe is back at the freeway underpass lying on his back looking at this feet while LPNF and YSBM are walking away. (They both appear to be the size of his feet).



Joe is waking up in a hospital. He is lying on a gurney. We are seeing this from Joe's POV. The ceiling starts to pull into focus. We can see just see the side bars of his gurney. We hear THE DISTINCTIVE HOSPITAL ELEVATOR DOOR OPEN SOUND. A few moments later a woman dressed in a nurses outfit who looks like Joe's wife is saying. This scene is in black and white and has a Young Frankenstein/Mel Brooks feeling.


I don't think he can hear us doctor.


He's certainly been through a lot. This may be a serious STROKE!



(embracing doctor's shoulder)

Well at least he doesn't know about US!  (dah-dah-DAHHHHHHH louder)


gives a loud sigh and passes out




He wakes up as before in his bed. His eyes pull into focus on his ceiling and familar surroundings.

He turns to wake his sleeping wife, but she is already up, making up her half of the bed.


Time to get up honey.


(a little confused)

I had this wierd dream last night.


(in a smoker's voice)

Oh yeah?


(still dazed but sitting up and putting feet over side of bed))

I dreamed this cop stopped me.


(with fake fear)

ewww, sounds scary. Did he give you a ticket?


(dressing to side of bed)

No it was a she.


(looking under the sheets for body fluids)

What'd she look like?


It wasn't like that


(finishing the pillow pat bed make)

Never is. Better get to work. I have lots to do.



Yeah, I know. (clenches his fist, but his wife can't see)



Joe grabs his leather sachel, walks out of this house and gets into his car.


Hustle Bustle coffee shop scene, like Community Bakery downtown.

Joe is drinking coffee.

He buys a paper from the counter.


(opening the paper)

What good news do we have today.

He squints at the date, we hear suspense. We don't see it but we see the look on his face. (dah dah dahhhhhh)


Three years out of whack.

He rushes out of the shop paying in haste. As he does we see


HIS WALLET and the folded slip of permit paper, both the white and yellow copy show as he rifles for a bill.

He drives to the park where the film opened. He quickly parks and tries to pull his briefcase through the window that won't roll down completely. In order to flatten it he is sorting his guns. We hear him clearly this time. The sound level is audible for the entire sentence.


I'm gonna kill every person who tells me:

(mocking voice)

"I can't hear your story cause you're not in the guild."

Just then he looks up exactly as before (reuse the footage but use a different angle so it isn't boring) and the LPNF is coming towards him.

The beginning scene repeats, but this time we smarten up the action and don't show every scene. We now see that as he was running back to the car with gun on top after the YSBM was backing up that Joe has gotten the gun that was on top of the car. As they come up behind him he is already pulling out to chase who he thinks is them. But they chase him. He ends up in the freeway underpass and we are at the moment of the hobo distraction. The dialog repeats but this time LPNF and YSBM morph into the DOCTOR and his WIFE. He pulls his gun during the distraction and shoots them both and then himself.



He wakes up in the same hospital as before and as the ceiling is pulling into focus. We can see just see the side bars of his gurney. Just as we hear THE DISTINCTIVE HOSPITAL ELEVATOR SOUND we